I made it to London again, Wednesday before our spring break (11 March).  I had a whole week to work with so I checked out places I didn’t make the last trip.  Other Criteria shops were high on the list, as well as the Darwin exhibit at the Natural History Museum.  Aside from becoming disoriented (lost) a couple times I didn’t much feel like an outsider anymore for I was running into some new friends on the streets.

On Saturday, 14th, Dave and I took a trip to Windsor Castle.  I love seeing castles like this, perhaps it’s because I want one… Walking through through all the rooms and seeing the collection of arms and treasures from the East held my attention.

We made our way to Oxford where the architecture was brilliant.  The grandiose buildings made up for the small area in which the town fit in to.  Oxford felt very unfamiliar because there was little that reminded me of anywhere else.  The streets were different, and the carvings had a different appeal to them.

Sunday was a roast and the Royal Vauxhall Tavern.  That is a day practically guaranteeing a good time.  The roast is spectacular, then the drag show is phenomenal.  The energy in the RVT is great, everyone just laughs for and hour or two then it turns into a club, working off of that positive energy.

Wednesday, oh Wednesday the 18th.  I learned how to never forget your passport again.  Somehow in my excitement of the trip to Malta I forgot to move my passport from my heavy jacket to my bag, which ended in the most embarrassing move of my time abroad.  A 7am flight on Thursday resolved most of the humiliation.  I joined a flight with two other friends that were joining us in Malta.  I got to break the ice with them which helped me tremendously and eased my mind.

Flying in over the Alps, then over Malta was breathtaking.  For hours I just absorbed all that was around me.  I loved the architecture, the way one city flowed into countryside and back into another city.  I wanted to retain all that Antoine was telling us about the islands.  We caught a festival in Mdina and we got to experience the excitement of the area and the people who live there.

We traveled all over the island, numerous times, and went to Gozo for a day.  As jostling as the roads were, I really enjoyed the rides, the company within, and the wonderful conversations had.  We covered a lot of ground, saw the Ġgantija temples (c. 3600 – 2500 BC), 1000+ yrs older than Stone hedge, walked along the Ramla il Hamra, red sand beach, explored churches like St. John’s Co-Cathedral, and watch the sun set from Dwejra Bay which provided great scenery with the Azure Window, Fungus Rock, and the Inland Sea.

I want to give special thanks to Dave and Antoine, for inviting me on this trip and being such wonderful hosts.  Thank you for taking us all around the islands, sharing the history, and opening up your homes to us.  I am very fortunate to know you, for both of you are truly amazing men.  I can’t describe how excited I am to spend another weekend with you before I fly back to the states.  Thank you for all that you’ve given me while broadening my perspective on the world around me.

I want a life of comfort. Comfort in how I live, not in what I do.

Is it enough to be optimistic and know you will see them again?  How does one capture the moments?  Is it with the camera, or with the heart.  I put my effort into making the moments last internally; I never know if it is the intelligent choice but one I want to make. I never want to forget the hours spent in the club, the pints between friends or the walks on the river.  Perhaps going back again will not allow me to relive these memories, but remind me that I had them once and they were great. Perhaps that is good enough.

An unconditional life is to live unrestricted.  To have no expectations allows expansion.  To control it is to become free.  Don’t hesitate to take an opportunity, and never forget one taken.  Allow it to roam freely within you.  Record it on paper, on film, in memory, but just remember.  Days will pass and thoughts may alter, things could have been done differently, but they didn’t.

I remember being open; there were no fears, no expectations, nothing but an empty canvas and an ambition to let it take a form of its own.

I now know what I felt but could not articulate.  It is the freedom and comfort of the unknown.  I listened as the words flow through me freely, taking for not what they were but how they felt.

The cost of letting go is growth.  On the couch, in the train, at the terminal, I can feel myself escaping me as new parts come to rebuild me.  I don’t fear what has left because I feel what has become.

It was not the vodka Redbull that granted me the freedom on the dance floor,  it was the realization that I chose the conditions to live by, and The Moment was one of them.

taken with PentaxK200D by Matt Hovey

0700 

In this light no one looks alive.  The hallway that connects haven and hell has whispful travelers with pale complexions or flushed expressions.  There is no relief to the hours spent wandering these halls search for a host to carry their hurt and lost souls away.  Only the defeated seemed to show any sign of emotion.

Hope is faint.  If not here then on the other end.  I know not what awaits me on the other side but it promises more than what is here.  Perhaps luck will strike for I am working to make myself an easy target.

0830 

There is hope in defeat; for the only movement to make is progress.  To remain stagnent is to lose hope when hope is all there is.

I feel defeated, but far from destroyed.  The sun is rising on a new day with its warming glow.Progress will resume when the storm passes, and it will.  I will be more prepared, better equiped, and hold a stronger passion for the future.  This island can not hold me here; there are more ways off, and I will find them.

I have a couple things I want to start doing with the blog, you will have to wait and find out though, because I haven’t started doing what I need to do to get it ready to do in the future… got it?

So today I walked around north of the river, looking for supplies cause Monday’s are my nights to cook for my 3 flatmates n I.  Tonight I decided lasagna, and with only one class at 9am I had the whole day to walk around, so walk I did.  I visited my typical asian markets and found a couple new ones.  Still searching for the fresh produce booths that were once set up.  I found a deal on gummies, 5 packs for a euro so I figured I would try it (mediocre).  Next, I came across a Polish store that was enticing and I was in an impulse mood, so I indulged.  Picked myself up a couple energy drinks and a couple donuts.

I felt inspired to try something new.  I haven’t really photographed food before so I experimented.  I composed this shot to mock advertising.  Whoever thinks these perfect assortments are realistic need a reality check…. It’s just a donut….

That’s today in a nutshell.  I really want to tell you about the past three weeks and how much I’ve changed and how I got here; it’s a slow process but it took three weeks to get my mind here, it can take a couple days to write it down.

When is the last time you challenged your ideals?  When did you willfully burst your comfort bubble?  Name the last risk you took.  I want details.  What did you learn? How did it shape you?  You will see where I’m taking this next time…

Love:

taken with PentaxK200D by Matt Hovey

I constantly work to better understand who I am, how I approach life, and appreciate all that I am fortunate for having.  My journey through life wont be identical to anyone elses so I want to take full advantage of the opportunities I choose to accept.  I don’t expect people to understand or empathize with me because in the end my choices are my own.  2008 is the first full year Ric and I have been together.  We’ve been together since May2007 but in terms of what has happened since Jan 2008 it has been a full year.  We continue to grow and develop together, seperately, and build lives together.

Life:

 I live with no regrets, I live for me, I live to be the best I can.  I traveled to Colorado for 2 months and I’m commited to going to Dublin for 4 more from Jan 5th until May 8th.  The experience in Colorado, and the experience leading up to Ireland have informed my actions on how I carry myself as an independent person.  I am much more confident in myself and able to rely on myself for support.  I have a better understanding of my abilities and what I can offer others.  This year has brought a lot of new friends to my life, many of which I hope we will be able to maintain because I learn and owe so much to them.  They brought me support all throughout my coming out, which was a long process finally ending by telling my dad on Thanksgiving.

Friends:

To be cliche; Acquaintences will become friends while friends may one day go seperate ways.  It is both uplifting and troublesome to have to sit with that reality.  I don’t believe in fate; I know relationships take work and I always do my best to hold onto the people I want around me, but I also recognize that letting someone go so they can become the person they want to become is an act of love.  A door is rarely closed completely and despite how painful an ending is, compassion always allows embers of the past to grow into something new again.

Photography:

taken with PentaxK200D by Matt Hovey

My photography was nerely non-existant at the beginning of 2008.  I had not touched B&W in months and DSLR’s were too much of an investment for me to consider at that point in time.  Luckily I was accepted to work at High Mountain Institute over the summer and I wanted to document the beautiful scenery I knew was there so I went out and bought my Pentax K200D.  I’ve developed my skills tremendously both with the camera as well as with photoshop.  With a lot of help from friends I have the skills I need to really get me by.  I am still learning a lot and plan on expanding my knowledge while in Dublin.  This photo from my house sumarizes my feelings about my photography this year because it’s a composition of 4 or 5 images and I just love the colors of it all.

Happiness:

It really all you make of it.  You can’t be happy every day, that is a given.  Make the most of every day, or at least try to.  Step outside your comfort zone, try something new.  Personally, I’m not very optimistic and I should take my advice more often and attempt to make the most out of less-than-desireable situations.  I do put myself out there often enough to be open to new experiences, Colorado was one of those times, and Dublin will be the next.  I miss Richard, Paul, Christina, and everyone else at HMI that I got to meet.  They pulled me out of my shell tremendously; I’m looking forward to seeing them again soon.

For me New Year’s is not a day of celebration, just a day to rethink how I approach things.  I will make sure I make the most of this year and the experiences I know I have been given.  I hope you like the photos along the way.

Matt Hovey

taken with PentaxK200D by Matt Hovey

I am thankful for him.  He is my muse, he is my yang.  My sanity, my pistol, my love.  Our journey is not one that will form bedtime stories, it will not be retold for generations, it will change no lives but our own family’s.

We are unconditional, equal, trusted, forgivable, strong, beautiful, committed, educated, able to love and be loved.  We are unique.  We are happy.

Cast judgments as you will, we will rise above them.  Use your slurs to cut us down, we become stronger because of them.  Do what you like to scare us, for we are not afraid.

This is a love story.  It is not glamorous, it is real.  You will see us on the street, you will see us at your job.  We live, we love, we cry, we laugh, we celebrate, we mourn, right along side you.  There is nothing to fix, there is no “treatment,” it is not a phase, it is love.

We will continue to work towards a brighter future; one with more understanding, where we are treated as equals because we all deserve love.

taken with PentaxK200D by Matt Hovey

You will soon see a new style of photography from me due to pretty significant changes over the past few weeks.  This photo, as well as the last, are both panoramas composed of 4 images.  The first image is named Losing Daylight because I took it the day we set our clocks back so it seems like the sun goes down earlier.  The second is Confining The Countryside because I want to emphasize the blackspace and how it melts into the subject.  Engulfed in darkness we are able to see ahead if we look hard enough.

The biggest paradigm shift for me came on November 4th, 2008.  For so many reasons it will be a day that will resonate history.  Regardless if the candidate supported, Obama’s victory is ground breaking for the United States.  The deepest impact is arguably not on the fact we will have an African-American president, but the movement that followed.

Hope and aspiration has returned to the people.  We are no longer afraid to rally behind an idea for we know that Ghandi was right when he said to “Be the change you want to see in the world.“

“I can finally breathe;
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move;
The world feels revived.” Anberlin – Breathe

For me this moment in time is about redefining how I carry myself and the impact I want to have in this world.  Obama is a symbol that represents courage, strength, change, hope, dedication.  Obama’s speech on election night is incredibly moving and I still watch it to have a boost of motivation.

My photography will move to a deeper conceptual place.  Until now I rely on words and explanations to bring out the purpose of the photo, I hope for that to change.  They will become more raw, but not in  asthetic criterion.  I will explore subjects close to me where I now have confidence stating; Proposition 2 (Florida) , Proposition 8 (California) , and Proposition 102(Arizona) have only motivated me to work harder to make a difference.

I want to end this entry with a line from V for Vendetta that provokes the activist within:
“People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.”

taken with PentaxK200D by Matt Hovey

taken with PentaxK200D by Matt Hovey

Mesmerized by the light He rests oblivious to silhouettes in darkness.

We can only see what we are allowed to see.

This is an experimental photo I put together for my roommate.  There is not much to say about this photo.  Taken around midnight, on the rocks on the edge of Lake Champlain.  It’s a sketchy park at night, but having friends around provides some security.  This photo is as much about darkness that conceals as it is light that unveils.

Oh where do I begin…  I haven’t been taking pictures as much as I would have liked, but have taken a couple of ones I’ve REALLY wanted for INSOMNIA.  The one taken above is one of my roommates who accompanied me on a trip to get INSOMNIA photos taken, and with great success.  He said he wanted a new facebook photo so I did what I could to grant that since he was kind enough to come along.

Our music video, set to release Oct 10, clearly has been postponed.  We were unable to make the deadline without significantly compromising quality, so we pushed the date… about 6 months.  We have the first half of the video edited and looking spectacular, now finding time to edit the second half.  We have a haunted house in the dorm on Halloween and amidst planning with time presses for that.

Pretty big news came about a week or so ago… I’ll be going to Dublin next semester (4 months).  I’m wicked excited to get out of the country, not so excited about spending a lot of money, but it will be worth it for sure.  I have to miss the first few months of Obama (hopefully), but news is only a click away.

So big changes on all fronts of my life but all seem to be positive in the long run.  Enough talking.  I’ll have more images shortly if I get my way.

Thanks,

Matt Hovey